LIVING WITH PTSD A PERSONAL JOURNEY
For most of my life, I had nightmares and flashbacks that consumed my days and nights. Triggers often caused me to feel the urge to flee, and my moods were like a roller coaster, with ups, downs, and twists and turns in between.
Growing up in army life, the sound of guns, bombs, and helicopters flying by day and night filled me with dread about my dad never coming back home. Spending Christmases and birthdays alone, with dad away for months on end, and living with a narcissistic mother added to the stress. The sense of blame, shame, and guilt from being raped and sexually abused further complicated my ability to trust. At 15, I had an abortion with no support from my mum or the father of the baby.
Emotional eating made me fall out of love with food and, at times myself. The lack of honesty with myself and the fears that froze me to the core was challenging to navigate.
Moving around every three years meant never feeling settled or having a place to call home. The instability impacted my sense of security, affecting my relationships and work. I found it difficult to stay in one job for more than 18 months and in one place for more than a few years.
Social anxiety and certain smalls could cause me to freeze. I often felt the need to have a big dog to help me feel safe and secure. Sexual relationships were challenging, often like a chore without the emotional connection. Escaping through dissociation sometimes ended in seizures. I had episodes of shouting with no words or voice coming out, and being touched from behind could make me lash out. Being pinned down sent me into a rage followed by meltdowns that would last for days.
I experienced meltdowns in supermarkets due to loud noises, and a sensitivity to the lights was common. Seeing red mist and having the feeling that someone had taken control of my body was terrifying and left me without knowledge of my actions at that moment in time.
I often felt a detachment from my emotions and struggled with being able to show up for myself or the people around me. This led to the loss of relationships with my then-husband and my children, resulting in divorce and separation from those I loved dearly. Self-sabotage and not having someone who understood me or could love me when I felt broken were constant challenges. At times, I wanted to take my own life to escape the constant noise and nightmares.
HOW I OVERCAME
Through personal self-healing and various therapeutic approaches, I found ways to manage and overcome the challenges of PTSD.
Therapy With Star ( surviving trauma after rape )- This specialised therapy helps me process and heal from the trauma of rape.
Journaling -writing down my thoughts and feelings was a powerful tool for self-reflection and emotional release.
Counselling: Regular sessions with a counsellor provided me with a safe space to discuss my experiences and receive guidance.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)- This therapy helped me reframe negative thoughts and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) -tapping on specific points in my body helped to reduce anxiety and emotional distress.
Reiki energy-healing sessions promoted relaxation and emotional healing.
Womb Healing - This practice helped me to reconnect with my feminine energy and healing from past traumas.
Crystal Healing- Using crystals for their healing properties supported my emotional and spiritual well-being.
Shadow Work - exploring and integrating the darker aspects of my psyche helped me achieve greater self-awareness and healing.
Meditation-Regular meditation practices helped to calm my mind and reduce stress.
Walks—Spending time in nature and walking helped me clear my mind, improve my mood, and stay grounded.
Breathing Exercises - Deep breathing techniques helped me to manage my anxiety to re-focus and promote self-relaxation.
SEEKING HELP
Living with PTSD was incredibly challenging, but seeking professional help made a significant difference. The mental health professional provided the support and guidance I needed to navigate these challenges and regain control over my PTSD. Reaching out for help was a testament to my strength, not a sign of my weakness.
Conclusion
PTSD is a complex condition with a profound impact on mental health. By sharing my story and seeking appropriate treatment, I have demonstrated that it is possible to manage and overcome PTSD. I hope to inspire others to do the same. Utilizing therapy, medication, support groups, self-care, and complementary therapies like reiki can help us reclaim our lives and move forward with resilience and hope.